Hard Message To Write

 

To all my dear friends & family, I am not sure how to address you today. I ask you to bear with me as I struggle to write, attempting to make sense from the worst 9 days of my life. Before I begin with what I need to say regarding the tragic death of Aaron and the rumors surrounding his death.  I want to sincerely THANK ALL OF YOU for the many kind words, both public & private sent and offered since his passing. I will in time address each one personally.

Because of your prayers, kindness, thoughtfulness, love & support, I believe they are what sustains me, Adam, Anthony, his wife Mel and our families through this difficult and painful time.  I ask you please continue to keep us, our families, especially Adam in your thoughts and prayers. We Love You.

To my Father, Creator in Heaven, Author of Life…. Oh how my heart breaks, but I must reach down deep, trust on your promises and thank you from the bottom of my heart for the twenty plus years I, Adam and family were given to be a part of such a beautiful life, Aarons life. I know his angels must have worked overtime attempting to steer him in the right direction these past five years. I take comfort in knowing we did raise him up in the church and from your word in his younger years, dedicated him as an infant & he chose to be baptized in his elementary years. He was blessed with having a loving brother & family to surround him. He knows without a shadow of doubt he is loved by his family, and we know he loves us.

 

 

 

aaron 20142   When I think of the many mighty men of the bible and the ones mentioned during his funeral, stories within the bible, fit for describing my son, Aaron, I often sense you always nudging my spirit back to Jacob. Especially where Jacob wrestles with GOD in Genesis 32: 24 – 31. So many things I will never understand Father, as to why we were chosen for this specific journey into the darkness of drug addiction. I remember the words you spoke to me in 2010 as I lay on the floor asking you why us, to endure this particular, devastating journey. You spoke to me… simple words, yet they remain, hovering over me this moment. You said, “Renee, you cannot lead where you’ve never been.” Aaron Emery 2014 I didn’t know, you would choose me to lead so many hurting young souls from such a darkness that is robbing so many from having a successful and prosperous life and future with the loss of my son.  You father are so much greater than any drug, high, low, or hallucination a drug can offer.  I pray for your anointing and direction to be a positive voice and resource to help those who desire to be set free from the lie that drugs are fun, and give life. In truth, they rob and cut short human potential and life as is the reality I am forced to now live, without Aaron’s physical presence in my life. I thank you Father for the last month and half of beautiful memories to add to the many we his family will forever hold dear and treasure. You graciously gave us time with Aaron being together to celebrate his brothers success and happiness  with his graduation, party, announcement of his engagement, the many I love you, hugs, and pleasant conversations had with him, even pictures. He never could stand still long enough for me or other members of his family to take a picture. I am just so grateful for those of recent he allowed to remain still for.  I choose to remember the good times, which definitely out way the bad & the struggles.

I believe today as we here who love Aaron struggle with the profound loss of his smile, laughter, strengths, presence and challenges he often presented to us, being forced to accept we won’t be able to hear his voice, nor celebrate his 21st birthday which is on July 20th of this year, just 8 days  from now.

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I know he is in heaven with his many family and friends who welcomed him with loving arms.

I believe he will sit and talk with Jacob about wrestling with God during their earthly life, while watching over those of us he loves here, especially his brother, his soon to be new sister in law Mollee, his precious cousins Abigail, Lily & Kristian and the many friends he deeply cared for and loved.

 

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I know he is going to have many questions for you Father God, and so it is, as painful as it is for my heart to accept, I entrust him back to you, the angels, and heaven.

 

I know I do not owe anyone an explanation…… but as said during his funeral….his death  is his message…. and it is my responsibility to continue his message, not for closure, not revenge, not to sow hatred, nor confusion, but to simply bring awareness and prevention that other’s lives will not be cut short as Aaron’s was. I do not want those who love Aaron to waste another ounce of energy wondering what happened, or attempt to find answers. Truth is Aaron is now with Jesus, yes Jesus, his big brother who died and shed his blood to cover Aaron’s multitude of sin, and nothing we say or do will bring him back to us. I do want those who love Aaron to step up and realize each one of us have a responsibility to recognize the fact; unless we do something regarding the drug, alcohol problems in and around our communities, schools,  sports that continues devouring our sons & daughters, deaths like Aaron’s will continue… and I pray what my family had to endure on July 4th, 2014 will not be your family next year or sooner.

 

What I will share with you to share regarding Aaron’s death is this…. Aaron struggled with drug addiction, and before you pass judgment, ask yourself, “Do I have an addiction?” Whether it be alcohol, coffee, over eating, tobacco, sex, pornography, drugs or something else not mentioned, an addiction is just that, an addiction.  Each brings their own consequence.

Regardless of Aaron’s struggles with his addiction and terrible choices, I do not believe anyone, deserves to be left alone on a floor, struggling for their life, like he was left to do.  Those knowing he needed medical attention who took it upon themselves to make such a demoralizing decision, refusing to call 911 in a timely manner or take him to the nearest emergency room to save his life but instead chose to take him to a house and leave him there without notifying medical personnel, family while watching him suffer, struggling for air and oxygen, I cannot fathom.  My loss, our family’s loss is forever while we remain here on earth.  I want these individuals to know he leaves a grieving mother, father, twin brother, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and true friends  who cannot fathom where you made the decision to leave him to struggle for his life. I will never come to a place of understanding of such a decision.  Knowing  Aaron and his goodness despite his weaknesses and struggles, he would forgive you and he would have never done the same to anyone in his presence needing medical attention.  Had it been someone else in need of medical attention, he would have saved your life by taking you to nearest hospital or calling 911 immediately, not 5 to 6 hours later.  I want everyone to know Aaron did not  take his life, he did not voluntarily go to a house in Franklin County, he was taken there instead of to a hospital for medical treatment where he struggled for his life, and due to lack of responsibility by others lost his life on July 4th 2014.

 

To Aaron’s many friends… it is not my place to judge or condemn. I want you to know as he cared for you so I care for you. Do not party as though partying consumes you and robs you of a healthy, successful life and future.  Choose wisely whom you befriend and trust while partying and having a good time.

I will close with this… Aaron Matthew Emery loved challenges… I challenge you to take a step toward sobriety, toward receiving the help for any addiction you may have when you want to party, or smoke a joint or snort a line, I challenge you to reach out to those of us who want success for you. We want to help you; we want you to be successful in life, enjoying life. Take the money you would spend on your next high, or snort or drink and donate to something Aaron Emery loved and played well… the soccer association… sow a seed, make a difference within your community and say enough senseless death is enough. It breaks my heart to see all of you having to spend time in a cemetery to visit Aaron, Noah, Eric and countless others because you choose to not accept the truth… Drugs & Alcohol when abused robs lives, destroys families and leaves many hearts broken. Do not be the next family struggling to make sense of the loss of beautiful life. Do not become a statistic and lay in a grave. 20140711_205653 Do not put yourself in the position of having to look a brokenhearted mom or dad in the eyes and explain why you did not help their son or daughter because of a weakness or bad decision using drugs or alcohol. Trust me when I tell you… the pain is unbearable and I wish it for no one.

 

Instead of buying Aaron something for his birthday to enjoy his life with this year, I now have to design his headstone in remembrance of him.

If anyone takes the challenge to make a change and needs help you can contact Brett Sapp at 618- 889-7729. Brett is the Celebrate Recovery Pastor at Cornerstone Church or you may contact Tim Buehler, The Journey Church at 618- 727-4019

 

You can email me at reneeemery15@yahoo.com  or PM on my personal FB anytime or call me at 618- 922- 7961

I hope Aaron’s death, his funeral, his message (a life robbed short) will not fall on deaf ears and hard hearts today. I pray to God his message will penetrate into the depths of the hearts of all those who struggle with many types of addictions.  Life is precious, and I pray you will honor my son by being accountable for your own life and start doing right by those GOD puts in your path.

 

Aaron Matthew Emery

July 20, 1993 – July 4, 2014

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Two Wolves 

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.He said, ‘My son, the battle is between two ‘wolves’ inside us all.One is Evil.It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.The other is Good.It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.’The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?” The old Cherokee simply replied,‘The one you feed.’ 

 

 

We do not become leaders when we accept a title or a rank. We become leaders when we accept the responsibility for the wellbeing of others. ~ Unknown

We miss him terribly.

Renee  Emery & Adam Emery

46 Comments

Filed under Aaron's Message

46 responses to “Hard Message To Write

  1. Marcy

    I am sorry you have to lay your son to rest, and I wish I could done something to help you. I am here if you need a listener and a hug and always a pray

  2. Laura Saylor

    Renee,
    That was very wonderfully written and I pray it touches many lives. Although your heart aches, it is so uplifting to read this. May God comfort and bless you all. Continued thoughts and prayers for you all.

    Sincerely,
    Laura Saylor

  3. Katrina

    I’m so terribly sorry for your loss and the tragic events surrounding your son’s death.

  4. sally holland

    your a remarkable mother. my prayers are with you during this time.

  5. Dawn Duckwiler

    Renee I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what you are going through and my heart is with you and your son right now. I didn’t know the circumstances but I cried through the whole thing. This was such a nice message. What happened to your son is totally unacceptable. They way they left him to suffer I hope they suffer everyday for what they have, but on the other hand I pray that they get the help that they need. I am sure your son was a wonderful young man. I have a 20 and 23 year old daughters and couldn’t image anything like this. People have no right to judge because everyone has skeletons in their closets of some kind. Again, I will continue to pray for you and your family during this difficult time in your lives.

  6. Valerie Turner

    I have just read your message about the death of your son, Aaron. I can’t imagine what you and your family have and will go through. I know God is in control and will guide you all each and every day!! Thank you for sharing this heartbreaking message. I pray daily for my two kids. There are so many evils that can call them into the wrong direction. I pray that at least one life is changed with your message. God bless you in a very special way. Valerie Turner

  7. Debbie Stewart

    Renee, this was very well written. I’m sorry I didn’t know Aaron, his life was indeed cut short. I will continue to pray for your family, it’s God who will help you through this trying time.

  8. Peggy Fitzpatrick

    I do not know you but my heart goes out to you and your family. My brother was put to rest 7/4/76 at the age of 22, he was into the drug scene even though the autopsy showed no drugs or alcohol in system at time of death. It has remained a mystery to this day. I pray comfort for you all and knowing he had a Christian background brings relief to my heart knowing you will be with him again. God bless you

  9. Tammy

    Thank you, Renee, for sharing Aaron’s story; your honesty, your pain that only a mother can feel. I understand so well, the pain of not being able to pull your child back from the throngs of drugs, alcohol, and friends that lead to trouble. The draw is strong for caring young people with a big heart…and if only those people knew they were pulling away our beautiful children that we love so much. For years, it was a struggle for me as a single parent to stand up for what was right with my children, and now my step-children. It has always shocked me that there are parents who think its okay to host underage drinking and parties, to have drugs available and to romanticize the whole scene. It makes it so difficult for those of us who try so hard to raise our kids in church, with faith and family. I haven’t lost my children, or step-children, I pray for them continually but I know I can never let up. The alcohol, the drugs, the “crowd” looms. I agree with you wholeheartedly, that we have to stand up as a community, as a society, and be the stronger influence – even when they are not our own children. Even when no one else agrees with us. And love them, love them, love them… always. May God bless you with an everlasting peace.

  10. Renee, Danny and I were so sorry to hear of Aaron’s death. We remember him as one of your cute little twins attending Grange Hall so many years ago. I am so sorry to hear of the tragic way Aaron died and pray that it is not in vain. Our hearts ache for you and your family. Your message is one that should be shared and read by many. You are all in our prayers, God Bless.
    Danny and Sherri Calvert

  11. Nancee Williams

    Beautiful words from a mothers heart. God bless and comfort you and your family. Take comfort knowing his struggles with addiction are over now and he is at peace in the kingdom of heaven. Earth holds no sorrows heaven cannot heal

  12. DeeDee Moore

    Renee, you are an amazing woman of God and a mother to many, I can tell. I cannot fathom the heartbreak. You are in my heart. I love and miss you, friend. Hugs and prayers, DeeDee.

  13. Debbie Perkins

    Thank you so mich for sharing your story and Aaron’s message. I sat with my husband and 3 boys as I read this allowed hoping that they to understood how important life is. God bless your family and you all are in my thoughts and prayers

  14. Becky Wilson

    Renee & Family,
    I am so deeply sorry for the worlds loss of Aaron. I pray some how, some way you will find comfort in adjusting your life to this terrible, uncalled for, bad bad judgement call from those who called Aaron their friend, their buddy, and their homeboy. Renee, what you wrote speaks volumes and that is what needs to be said and taught to the kids, especially in this day and age. So many good kids are facing the same addiction Aaron faced and it breaks our hearts. I pray through this terrible tragedy that the young adults making these choices of using drugs and alcohol will stand up and make a stand to show the world it can stop! My heart aches for the pain you are going through. Just try to allow Aaron’s beautiful smile, laugh, and his love to comfort you until you meet him at the gates in Heaven! If I can do anything please let me know.
    Becky

  15. melissa moore

    Renee, that was the most beautiful story ive ever heard….you need to write a book about ur beautiful son….thank you so much for sharing that with us all…your such an inspiration to us all…luv ya…..

  16. Cheri Litton

    Beautifully said. I was able to talk to a man at our mission last week. I told him to look me in the eye and the next time he takes a drink or gets high, I wanted him to know what a person looks like who just lost their ‘step'(only in words) grandson to death. I pray for all those affected by drugs and alcohol and I promise you Renee—brother Adam—father Anthony, that I will do my part in helping someone in need at the mission.

  17. Cecelia Clark

    Renee, your article was so well written. First of all, my heart aches for your loss. I pray God’s grace will sustain you and your family through this most difficult time. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

  18. Kathy Massey

    Very well written, I don’t know your family, but had tears when reading. No child should have to go through what your precious son did. I pray that the kids that left him will change there life around. May God Bless..

  19. Donna G.

    Renee, oh how your story brings back memories. About two years ago in September, something very similar happened to our family. My oldest daughter, who will be 19 next week, almost died of an overdose, and would have if one of her friends had left her laying in a yard. This young man, although under the influence himself, took my daughter and another young man who had also overdosed, to the hospital. My daughter was blue when she arrived, but the hospital revived her, Praise Jesus. Her friend also recovered. Although she “successfully” passed through rehab., she relapsed, and her drug addiction even got worse for a while. But, when she found a boyfriend who didn’t use, things seemed to get better. I truly thought she was over her addiction. However, when her boyfriend and her broke up about a year later, she was arrested because she had passed out in her car of heroin use. I also found out that she had been continuing to dabble with drugs. I didn’t realize it because her once rebellious nature had turned a 180. Where she used to have a hateful, rebellious attitude, she became a sweet loving daughter once again, She is now attending drug court and seems to be doing well. As I read your heartbreaking story, I realize that that could have been my story as well. My heart breaks for you and your family. I pray that God continues to give you strength as you deal with the pain of Arron’s passing.

  20. Denise Orso

    We remember both of your boys with fond memories since they were little. They were good kids and I enjoyed coaching them. We are so Sorry for your loss.
    Tony and Denise Orso

  21. Keith Edwards

    Even though we don’t know each other, we share a life experiance. I too lost a child almost 40 years ago. Although the circumstances were much different, the pain and loss are the same. We did not have an opportunity to have as many “memories” as her life ended at nine months of age.
    As time goes by, the painful memories seem to fade and the good memories become more vivid. I wish I could say that time heals all wounds but after all these years it is still painful to see a little girl showing off her frilly Easter dress or playing an angel in the Christmas play.
    The Bible tells us that what satan means for harm God uses for good. For the last 18 years my wife and I have fostered over 100 children. We have currently adopted 3 and are in the processcof adopting three more. Knowing my nature, I realise that without the pain of my loss, my ability to deal with some of these kids and most of their parents woukd not gone as well as it has. God’s wordcsays that what ever we give to him, he will return to us 30, 60 or 100 fold. He has kept that promise to me. I pray that your words and commitment will touch the hearts and save the lives of countkess lives from this plague that touches families everwhere. May you feel God’s love to console you and your family and his peace that you might continue to have hope. Take consolation in the fact tgat he is no longer addicted to things that cloud his mind but stands in the presence of God and is surrounded by an unmeasurable love.

  22. Stephanie

    Dear Renee. Your words deeply touched my soul. They are words written for all, but yet individuals will receive the message differently, as I am right now. We all have wolves of evil that we are feeding constantly and they will eternally eat at us as long as the person continues to feed it. I thank you for your bravery to write such a message. Your selflessness is the greatest gift you can give those who are are reading your passages, and I promise you that it will change lives for the better. Thank you for all that you are and all that you believe. Thank you for reaching out to Aaron’s friends in such a selfless act of wisdom and encouragement. Thank you for being my friend, my sister, and mom to my son while he was in your care. You are truly an inspiration for many, including myself. Your strength and courage radiates to all who are fortunate enough to know you. For all of these things and many more, I thank you and love you dearly.

  23. Mary Samples Deaton

    Such a tragic death. My family has know Mick’s family since our Fathers worked together in the early GTE days. We all were devastated by Aaron’s passing and our prayers continue for all the family. While nothing can change what happened I pray for some investigation into who left him instead of seeking medical help. Bless you and all the family.

  24. jeff tinsley

    God Bless you prays are with you all.

  25. jamie wyant

    I do not know you or your son but I was so touched by your words and may God be with you and your family.I want you to no that that your strength will help many souls.I thank you for sharing this you opened my eyes for I have a similar story but Thank you Jesus mine did not end this way when my Son went to prison I thought that my world was over but it was not and God cared me threw.My heart breaks for you and your family MAY GOD BE WITH YOU THIS DAY AND EVERY DAY AND EVERY DAY TO COME.

  26. Reblogged this on Encouragement for HIS daughters and commented:
    Please read….an important heartfelt message from a mom who had to say good-bye to her son too soon…

  27. Lisa Pulley

    Still thinking and praying for all of you. This piece you wrote was very touching and well written.

  28. Lisa shinton

    I cannot express how much sadness I feel for you and your family ,I too have a son whom has struggled with drug addiction .He is 31 I pray for him everyday day ,that’s all we can do as parents .I am so sorry for your loss .And want you to know you are an awesome family and have a lot of faith and strength and I hope and pray your message gets out to others and your loss will change people .Thankyou for your message .

  29. You have written a beautiful message. I pray for you and your family to continue to feel God’s loving arms around you.

  30. Christy

    Ms. Emery,
    I want you to know that I too struggle with addiction. My brother was a meth addict for 22 years, and I an alcohol addiction for as ling as I can remember. I read this to my AA group today in hopes that they would also spread yojr message as well as your sons memory. One person saved of addiction because of another addicts tales of woa are another addicts answers or hope for a new beginning. I pray your loss will not be in vain, thank you for the courage to speak out and share. I am sorry for your loss and hope you and your family will find peace among the sadness. May the Lord light your way and watch over your family.
    Christy

  31. John W. Knight

    Absolutely awesome. My heart goes out to thou. GOD BLESS

  32. Neal B.

    Very well written battle I am sure that it was hard for you to write this. You and your family are with me in my thoughts and prayers and I know that God will help you all through this. I am sorry for your loss.

  33. Beautiful message, Renee. You have a beautiful heart. Such an important message– thank you for choosing to write it. God bless you and Anthony and Adam and all who loved him.

  34. jennifer donaldson

    So sorry for your loss I know what your going threw and it’s terrible I lost my son to a bad car weak Aug last year he was 23 my first baby and I miss him so much everyday is a struggle for me and my other 2 children we should never out live our children

  35. Rich Martin

    RENEE:
    what courage it must have taken to write that challenge. Michelle and I are praying for you and your family. We love you in Christ sister. Thank you for your strength and witness.

  36. I’m so very sorry for your loss. I understand some of your pain as I have a son that uses also. He’s been to court twice & now they just don’t test, etc on his monthly visits. I placed him in your story & cried the whole time. I know God has taken me down some very hard roads to lead me to better ones & I hope you find your better road soon. No one should have to bury their child before them. I’ve been praying for my son & will pray harder & will add you & yours to my list. Please remain strong & thanks for your strength in writing this! I pray that Jesus wraps His loving arms around you & yours in a big, “I’m there” hug & you feel the warmth, strength & love! Mary

  37. Stephanie Murphy

    Hi miss emery. I just want to say first off I’m very sorry for your loss. 15 years ago my parents went to the same thing you’re going through only my brother died in a different way we lost him due to fatal car accident but it doesn’t mean the pain is any different he went to a party and they bought liquor he was supposed to stay there but the lady decided he needed to leave he asked his friend and follow him home because he had some alcohol in his system but nobody could follow him home so he drove home alone on the way home he encountered some fog that’s when his vehicle went off the road and hit a tree my brother was 6 foot four and weight 230 pounds the corner said they didn’t think it was the alcohol that killed him because of his size they thought that it was the fog it took them four hours to find him. i’m so sorry that you lost your child I wish no parent ever had to go through this. My brother was 19 yrs old his birthday is in October he would have been 36 this yr. I does get better it just takes a lot of time and a lot of strength through Jesus I’m praying for u everyday remember ur strength is thru Jesus lean on him he will carry u thru this tragedy I’m so deeply sorry he looks like a awesome kid I do not judge anyone I love everyone for we all have our own problems and it’s for Jesus to judge him me u and the world it’s not our place to do . I’m so sorry

  38. Lori Worthington

    I cried reading your story. My son is a pill addict also. I thank GOD everyday that when he OD’d he came to me for help. Although it’s a daily struggle I’m blessed to still have him.
    I think of you often as my daughter lives there. Prayers for you and your family!
    😥

  39. Stormie Torres

    My heart goes out to you. My eyes are filled with tears reading your story. You are such a strong woman Emery and an inspiration to many. I will share your tragic story with my husband when he gets home. He has struggled with a meth addiction for 14 years now. I am at the end of my rope and want to give up on him. But… I can’t bear the thought of losing the way you lost your son. I can’t imagine the pain you must be going through. I can’t “I’m sorry” enough. I love you battle and admire your courage. Reaching out to others with loving arms, when many would be angry,can’t be easy. Thank you

  40. IM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS I TO UND3RSTAND YOUR LOSS and i can t3ll you it do3s g3t b3tt3r as th3 y3ars go by its has b33n 20 yrs for my family th3 d3ath of my son was auwful it still haunts us our family was not th3 sam3 w3 hav3 y3t to tak3 a family photo b3caus3 my son is not h3r3 god has h3al3d my h3art but i still miss him

  41. cristina

    Prayers for you and your family

  42. My heart goes out to you. I know what it’s like to lose someone you love dearly. I just lost my mom in February. Just keep your faith. It won’t be easy but just remember that he knew you loved him.

  43. nick stalorites

    Very sad

  44. Alicia Tanner

    Rene….Carrie is one of my dearest friends and I have watched the boys grow through her, throughout the years. Her love for your boys have always been such a strong bond with them. I know the hurt she is going through also. I pray everyday that God helps her and all of your family to heal. I came across this on the internet and read it and can’t believe the strength you had to write this. Me as a mother also, can not imagine going through what you have had to endure. God is guiding you through the loss of Aaron and I know by your writing this, it will help so many. Countless numbers of not only lost youth, but adults as well. You and all your family are in my thoughts and prayers .

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